Think of place, time, surroundings before you say these two words
Dear Roger, I need and want to apologize again for what I said upon my return home on the 22nd day of my camp work Tuesday. When we stood in the office as I returned the van keys and summarized three weeks of camps to two of the staff, and then you jumped in and we were both talking … and when I...
For us born fixers, it’s heartbreaking when you can’t fix someone you love
Dad and Mom spent countless hours remodeling our house in the late 60's, and fixing little things along the way that needed attention. Mom did a lot of fixing before preparing the house to be sold in 2000 … as it was beginning to require a lot more fixing than she could handle on her own. I've...
Taking responsibility for our excuses with photographic proof
Ever try to explain why you do what you do … something carried over from your childhood … and you wish you had “proof” to illustrate your “excuses”? Aha! I found proof in this 1973 photo! (Only because I save everything!) My husband and I had talked about how certain habits — good or bad — were...
Life is a beach … or so I learned from a dear friend of mine …
A mere 25 years ago … Fumbling my front door key, I heard the telephone ring inside. As I turned the knob, I heard the familiar voice leaving a message. Dropping everything and tripping over everything else, I raced for the phone. I would not let this call go unanswered. It was my mother-in-law....
The cruelty of Alzheimer’s: “It’s tough not knowing how fast it’s going to go”
A memory from more than a dozen years ago is as vivid as the day it all happened … I discovered that the line of people, bundled against the chill of the February wind, was longer than I expected when I opened the church’s door. But I should have known better as the man remembered on Saturday had...
Mothers and daughters: Chapter 1,042,099
two years few yAren’t some of the best finds in life when you’re searching for something else … then you forget the subject of your original hunt? ANYWAY … I discovered this photo of Mom and some high school buds, Kim, Jenny, Susie and Tami. Mom was often just one of the girls. I have no idea what...
Even on your lowest day, someone else has a rougher ride in life
Monica and her parents in 1975. A dear friend recently lost her dad, then her mom, within less than three weeks of each other. That’s so heartbreaking … you search for the “right” words to say … and it’s easy to stumble through those thoughts … Since she is much younger than me, I am reminded how...
Facts to live by: You can’t survive a loved one’s Alzheimer’s or dementia by yourself
Monica and her father-in-law who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. When I wrote a book on coping with the emotional and everyday challenges of Alzheimer’s, dementia and memory loss in 2008, I had no idea how much I’d rely on my own words two years later. In spring 2009, I noticed something peculiar...
Miscommunication propels the evil plot into action
On those days when you don't love yourself, force your eyes open to see the vision and love that others have of you. I'm reminded of that time and again on those days when depression threatens to derail me, when I get so caught up in the misfiring of my brain cells that I can't see the incoming...
Your rat is my mother-in-law
While talking with a coach friend, I shared how I was back to writing more, and feeling alive again as my soul explodes with ink. We discussed the different audiences with whom I engage … caregivers, survivors, healthcare professionals, individuals at every curve on the rollercoaster ride of life,...
All the ways you can connect with a dead ancestor
I often flip through Mom’s small desk calendar, and this week noted one of her annual dates to remember, the passing of her mother in 1944, when Mom was a month shy of her fifth birthday. More than a quarter century ago, I became fascinated, actually obsessed, with this woman who died tragically...
Your final chapter isn’t just about you
Monica speaking at her mother's celebration of life in July 2018. I’m hearing and reading the word “funeral” a little less these days. Is it a shift in society or vocabulary or a way to describe something that sounds so final? “Service” appears frequently as does the phrase, “celebration of life.”...
About Monica
A former weekly newspaper reporter and editor, Monica Vest Wheeler focuses on coping with and surviving the everyday and emotional challenges of brain-related injuries, illnesses and diseases.
In addition to co-authoring a book on coping with cancer, Monica has written about Alzheimer’s in “Alzheimer’s, Dementia & Memory Loss: Straight Talk for Families & Caregivers,” one of the books in her Help Me Cope & Survive! series. Her latest projects in the series focus on coping with the daily challenges of stroke, brain injuries and brain tumors-brain cancer.
She’s spent thousands of hours working with and interviewing hundreds of patients, survivors, families and caregivers, and healthcare professionals, and interviewed individuals affected by the horrors of the Holocaust and intolerance. She’s given dozens of presentations on ways to cope with the emotions of catastrophic injuries, illnesses and diseases; the Holocaust and tolerance; the need to communicate; ways to express emotions on paper and verbally, how to use family history to better understand oneself and family today; and much more. She’s also interviewed individuals affected by the horrors of the Holocaust and intolerance.
Monica’s warm and engaging style is helping to bridge the silence that is so pervasive for those dealing with disease, loss and crisis.