Think of place, time, surroundings before you say these two words

September 30, 2025•3 min read

Dear Roger,

I need and want to apologize again for what I said upon my return home on the 22nd day of my camp work Tuesday. When we stood in the office as I returned the van keys and summarized three weeks of camps to two of the staff, and then you jumped in and we were both talking … and when I couldn’t hear myself think anymore, and I turned to you and said, “SHUT UP!”

Oh geez. I apologized to you and then to each of the others. That was not me. I was tired … and you were filled with so many things you wanted to say to me … which was difficult while I was on the road. At home, I don’t talk much … never have … and you’ve been THE talker in our relationship. Always have been and always will.

And I wouldn’t change that … because that’s a special part of our relationship. I will never forget your mom telling me to do one thing: just listen and nod when you go geeky and let you talk because that’s one of your happy places. Alas, I momentarily forgot her wisdom … and I apologize again.

You’ve often called me your mouse that roared. You gave me a voice when we met 51 years ago. You introduced me to a world where family talked and laughed and loved constantly … one that I had not grown up in. I didn’t have a “bad” life … just a quiet one … as the only child in me learned to entertain and educate myself. I only learned to talk aloud to myself years later … yes, those are the voices you hear at home … ! LOL

I wasn’t originally meant to be on the road three weeks by myself. We had planned for you to go to New York as we’ve done the last two years. But in late August, I knew you just weren’t up for it this time. We talked and I told you it was okay not to go. You may have skipped your way out the door … ! LOL

Both of us made sacrifices these 22 days for me to do my thing and for you to do yours. And that’s something that won’t change about US because we know love is all about making sacrifices … and how each of us is happier and richer in body and soul for what we did on our own … and share when we are together again. That’s the secret to our marriage … permission to be our individual selves while navigating life together … always.

It’s so rare when I get “mouthy,” but you take me back every time. And I’ll never let you go … because you talked me out of it long ago.

I love you,
Monica

P.S. Show Roger some extra love by donating to Retreat & Refresh Stroke Camp in his honor for what HE has given up to allow me to serve others and fulfill my life mission, only a $1 a day for those 22 days. www.strokecamp.org

So, what’s your story? Drop me a line at [email protected] or leave a comment. I’d love to speak to your group, organization or company about working our way through the pain and challenges of everyday life. You want straight talk? You got me!

Monica Vest Wheeler

A former weekly newspaper reporter and editor, Monica Vest Wheeler focuses on coping with and surviving the everyday and emotional challenges of brain-related injuries, illnesses and diseases. In addition to co-authoring a book on coping with cancer, Monica has written about Alzheimer’s in “Alzheimer’s, Dementia & Memory Loss: Straight Talk for Families & Caregivers,” one of the books in her Help Me Cope & Survive! series. Her latest projects in the series focus on coping with the daily challenges of stroke, brain injuries and brain tumors-brain cancer. She’s spent thousands of hours working with and interviewing hundreds of patients, survivors, families and caregivers, and healthcare professionals, and interviewed individuals affected by the horrors of the Holocaust and intolerance. She’s given dozens of presentations on ways to cope with the emotions of catastrophic injuries, illnesses and diseases; the Holocaust and tolerance; the need to communicate; ways to express emotions on paper and verbally, how to use family history to better understand oneself and family today; and much more. She’s also interviewed individuals affected by the horrors of the Holocaust and intolerance. Monica’s warm and engaging style is helping to bridge the silence that is so pervasive for those dealing with disease, loss and crisis.

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