Friends

Mothers and daughters: Chapter 1,042,099

Articles
August 11, 2025•3 min read

two years few yAren’t some of the best finds in life when you’re searching for something else … then you forget the subject of your original hunt?

ANYWAY … I discovered this photo of Mom and some high school buds, Kim, Jenny, Susie and Tami. Mom was often just one of the girls. I have no idea what we were doing, but this is our garage and the back of Mom’s Chevy Vega wagon … 1974 or 1975 or even 1976.

This find comes at a time when I lose some tears every time I think of Mom. Several friends have lost their moms in the past few years … maybe that’s a trigger … or remembering January 2018 when Mom decided to discontinue treatment for her lung cancer, even though the tumors had shrunk. There were days when I just didn’t understand but had to accept her decision.

We were extremely close … but there were moments when I felt like we didn’t truly understand each other. Yes, mothers and daughters can be that way at times. I’ve been piecing together a deeper look into Mom’s life … and I realize I’ve still been processing the passing of her sister, my aunt, two years ago, after the previous two years of being shut out of my aunt’s life for the stupidest reason … and her apology on the Monday before she passed on Friday. The hurt of not being able to get to know my aunt and Mom better at the same time. Two lost years that I’ll never get back …

But not wallowing in it after a stage of wanting to break things and strangle someone … Hey, we all have those moments …

Yet, with each recent bout of tears about Mom, I learn something new about myself … the similarities and differences between us … our individual strengths and weaknesses … though bonded by blood and love, still two very unique human beings. She always wanted more for me … and in return, I always wanted more for her.

Just as Mom is wiggling her way into a photo opp with the girls, she’s still part of every breath I take … Perhaps I needed to let the tears flow so I could breathe easier to strengthen my own determination to do more with my life … to let my creativity and empathy once again break the dam of indecision and inaction … that can slow us from fulfilling our purpose in life … if we let it …

Someone asked me the other day, “Are you just filling your life or fulfilling it?” I’ll go for fulfilling … as we know I can be full of it at times … Mom! Stop nodding!

So, what’s your story? Drop me a line at [email protected] or leave a comment. I’d love to speak to your group, organization or company about working our way through the pain and challenges of everyday life. You want straight talk? You got me!

A former weekly newspaper reporter and editor, Monica Vest Wheeler focuses on coping with and surviving the everyday and emotional challenges of brain-related injuries, illnesses and diseases. In addition to co-authoring a book on coping with cancer, Monica has written about Alzheimer’s in “Alzheimer’s, Dementia & Memory Loss: Straight Talk for Families & Caregivers,” one of the books in her Help Me Cope & Survive! series. Her latest projects in the series focus on coping with the daily challenges of stroke, brain injuries and brain tumors-brain cancer. She’s spent thousands of hours working with and interviewing hundreds of patients, survivors, families and caregivers, and healthcare professionals, and interviewed individuals affected by the horrors of the Holocaust and intolerance. She’s given dozens of presentations on ways to cope with the emotions of catastrophic injuries, illnesses and diseases; the Holocaust and tolerance; the need to communicate; ways to express emotions on paper and verbally, how to use family history to better understand oneself and family today; and much more. She’s also interviewed individuals affected by the horrors of the Holocaust and intolerance. Monica’s warm and engaging style is helping to bridge the silence that is so pervasive for those dealing with disease, loss and crisis.

Monica Vest Wheeler

A former weekly newspaper reporter and editor, Monica Vest Wheeler focuses on coping with and surviving the everyday and emotional challenges of brain-related injuries, illnesses and diseases. In addition to co-authoring a book on coping with cancer, Monica has written about Alzheimer’s in “Alzheimer’s, Dementia & Memory Loss: Straight Talk for Families & Caregivers,” one of the books in her Help Me Cope & Survive! series. Her latest projects in the series focus on coping with the daily challenges of stroke, brain injuries and brain tumors-brain cancer. She’s spent thousands of hours working with and interviewing hundreds of patients, survivors, families and caregivers, and healthcare professionals, and interviewed individuals affected by the horrors of the Holocaust and intolerance. She’s given dozens of presentations on ways to cope with the emotions of catastrophic injuries, illnesses and diseases; the Holocaust and tolerance; the need to communicate; ways to express emotions on paper and verbally, how to use family history to better understand oneself and family today; and much more. She’s also interviewed individuals affected by the horrors of the Holocaust and intolerance. Monica’s warm and engaging style is helping to bridge the silence that is so pervasive for those dealing with disease, loss and crisis.

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