Perhaps you’ve heard some of the primary rules for an enduring relationship, especially for life partners … love and trust. Yep, gotta have ’em.
After 42 years of marriage and five years dating before that, I’ve learned those well along with many others … patience, sense of humor, compassion, understanding, how to listen, when to speak and when to shut up, patience … wait, already said that one.
There was another one I had committed myself to without hesitation from the start, but its true meaning recently clicked with me as loudly as the slam of a jail cell door. As I waded through what someone had shared with me, I wondered, “Where was acceptance?”
I told my husband Roger, “I’ve always appreciated how you’ve stood by me and accepted me as I am. I hope I’ve done that for you.” He assured me I had and continue to. We laughed, admitting you never stop trying to subtly tweak your partner for their own good … (cue, clearing throat) …
But NEVER at the detriment of our individual physical or emotional health and well-being. What so deeply troubled me was what the person shared with me, how after many years, they could still not meet impossible standards their partner had expected.
Maybe I’m from another planet, but how is that a partnership? How is that love? How is that healthy? Is my response naive that acceptance should also be at the foundation of a successful relationship … and expectations of perfection are a deadly brew that will destroy relationships that look so good to everyone on the outside peering in.
Perhaps I have been spoiled by a good marriage that has had its natural ups and downs. Maybe I was unrealistic when I witnessed what went wrong in my parents’ marriage and refused to settle for anything remotely similar. Maybe I was in la-la land when I went into this partnership with eyes wide open, learned to ask questions and answer his, did my homework before slipsliding in accusation and ignorance.
People change, it’s true. But it’s also true that a real life partner should not be expected to fit into a perfect model. That’s not real life, as perfection is but a fantasy.
The world expects too much perfection these days, and a lot of people get really pissy in the most arrogant and hurtful way when their standards and expectations are not met. They injure the ones they claim to love. Love shouldn’t have to hurt like that.
You’ve heard it before, but life is too short to suffer. When will you finally believe it … when your body breaks down in struggling to keep up … when your mind implodes with self-loathing hammered by someone who allegedly loves you … your last breath?
Measure the things that really matter in life … not the material things that we can’t take with us when we’re gone …
Meaningful conversations and engagements that lift, comfort and enrich …
Human dignity and kindness that filter through your soul …
Accepting someone you care about, flaws and all …
Accepting YOURSELF … flaws and all …
I love YOU, my friend … just as you love me … flaws and all.
Hey, drop me a line at [email protected] or leave a comment below. I’d love to speak to your group, organization or company about working our way through the pain and challenges of everyday life. You want straight talk? You got me!
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